From the Desk of Jamie Dimon, JP Morgan’s Big Chief in Charge of Bragging, Boasting, & Corporate Victimization:
Hey, kids! Well, our policies may be hurting the country and 99% of the people in it but we’re doing GREAT!!!
We made $5.3bn in earnings for common shareholders, a widely used measurement, from July through September, up 36% from the same period a year ago.
Earnings for common shareholders includes expenses for making payments to preferred shareholders. Without those expenses, net income would have been even higher, at $5.7bn.
Either way, we blew away analysts’ expectations. Earnings were $1.40 per share, far exceeding the $1.21 predicted by analysts polled by FactSet, a provider of financial data.
Revenue rose 6% to $25.1bn, beating expectations of $24.4bn. Earnings were helped because the bank set aside less money for bad loans. It set aside $1.8bn for potential loan losses, down 26% from $2.4bn a year ago.
In other words, using our employees in Congress, we have shifted much of the burden of our debt onto the country itself, so much of it in fact that we can now claim huge profits despite losing all those $tens of millions$ through bad judgment and outright greed.
This proves we were right all along and that my heavy investments in our legislative department were worth taking.
OK, so people hate us. Who cares? We’re rich.
Now, we’re still seeing a high level of souring mortgage loans and expect high default-related expenses for a while longer. And OK, homeowners are still struggling under mortgages they can’t afford. We’re making money and that’s the bottom line.
So chin up and down the hatch! We’re right on target.