This woke me up.
Politico reported on its website that Rudy Giuliani, that dashing, dictatorial transvestite, is going to be the keynote speaker at the Republican National Convention. He is everything the Republican base rejected in the primaries by a resounding margin. Evangelicals - the same bunch that candidate McC just made a point of genuflecting to out in sunny if psychotic Southern California - hate Giuliani. So do the pro-lifers, the Nuke-em-Now-ers, and the anti-Semitics the GOP is loaded down with like a bevy of albatrossi hung from an Adam's apple by fish hooks. Making him the centerpiece-mouthpiece was a brilliant idea, just ba-rillli-ant. (*spin chamber, open mouth, insert barrel, pray*)
More significantly for humans, perhaps (I include Democrats in that group...provisionally....), long-time serial liar, non-Democrat, McCain shadow and likely VP pick Joe Lieberman is scheduled for the very first night as Darth Vader's opening act. Apparently he has given up even the pretense that he isn't Bush's Puppet Boy and embraced his destiny as a Republican hack.
Other notables lined up to baffle us with bullshit (the "dazzle us with brilliance" part got used up on Rudy) include:
- Ah-nud, who will body-press McCain before lifting him over his head with one hand and throwing him into a oil drum full of hot wax
- Alaska's Gov Sarah Palin, who, so far as is known (by me), is the only Republican politician in the state not up to her earholes in scandal
- The ever-popular (if ugly as Cheney's snarl) "former" Senator, movie star, and trophy-wife polisher, Fred Thompson (who will have to bring Jeri with him if he doesn't want to be mistaken for an Emperor frog and french-fried by the caterers)
- And the Three Gnomes of Competence, Carly Fiorina (who turned Hewlett-Packard from a computer giant into a computer dumpster), Tom Ridge (who color-coordinated Homeland Security to match Bush's Fear-Mongering of the Day routine but did precious little else about making us safer from boxcutters), and Minnesota Sen Norm Coleman (who refused to fix a tattered bridge because it would be "too expensive", whereupon said bridge promptly collapsed, killing a lot of people and Norm's chance to be McC's veep - he's now running for his life in a campaign where his opponent is a comic); I guess they're having it in St Paul, eh? (I haven't been paying attention.)
I'm tellin yah, this is gonna be one for the books. I'm really sorry I'm going to miss it, but I may call up a few of Pee Wee Herman's old shows on the computer. Practically the same thing, right? Romper Room Goes Rad?
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