Fact-esque

Why I Stopped Writing Satire

Because how can you beat what they do in real life?

My God, I'm Debbie Downer

In the defense of me and Cassandras everywhere who don't know when to shut up, if we all ignored pressing national and international problems, we'd be at the mercy of a lunatic president bent on delivering a bankrupted United States to his corporate masters while the world burned.

Oh wait ...

Ben Stein Really Knows How to Shill

Ben Stein, financial scold and honorary chairman of the National Retirement Planning Coalition, was in the NYT two Sundays ago telling us all to stop waiting to suck at the gummint's teat. I mention this because his Sunday rant was nearly identical to the "interview" I read in my husband's 401K newsletter a few months ago.

That time he was telling us to stop buying stuff and relying our our kids or the gummint to keep us from living on the street. He told us that no "miraculous force is going to come along and rescue" us. This time he tells us that there are no "magic bullets." And the scary tone is the same:

What is life like if you are old, weak, tired, not in great health, lonely and have no money? You are miserable, and you are in fear and you are gaunt on the inside.

Unfortunately, this is not just a paranoid fantasy about my own life. This is going to be the reality of millions, maybe tens of millions of baby boomers unless they get their backsides into gear and make some serious changes in their lives.

Ack! I'm going to die - or worse, NOT die. But Ben, the honorary chairman of the National Retirement Planners Association takes his shilling honorary responsiblities seriously. He knows how to ward off an old age of pain and inner gauntness. (emph mine)

What's the solution? Major league retirement planning right here and now. Right this second. Make a plan with an adviser you trust and for whom you have gotten superb references. Make it a plan with a lot of diversification of stocks, bonds, mutual funds, foreign, domestic, emerging, variable annuities (but study them carefully - there are immense variations among them), real estate and even cash.

The plan has to allow for expensive, long-term medical care. It has to provide for the possibility of losing your job at some point before you reach retirement age. The plan cannot count on miracle cures from the federal government. The federal government is just a means of transferring money from wage earners to retirees - and the wage earners are not going to want to bankrupt themselves for the baby boomers (who got all of the good music anyway).

There are no miracle cures, damnit! No social contracts. No safety nets. All the gummint does is take money from hard working Americans and transfer it to layabouts. Well that's about to stop and Ben is telling you to get used to it.

But he shoots himself and his mission as honorary chairman of the National Retirement Planning Coalition in the foot when he throws some stats at us:

You can look at it still another way. The average family in the New York area earns roughly (and I mean really roughly) $50,000 a year. You would need to have at least $1.25 million in principal to yield that income at 4 percent. Do you have it?

I don't have that! I have eight hundred dollars in my checking account and 1992 minivan. Is that good? Can that be financially planned into $1.25 million? I'm going to look into that. Because, you know, I can't count on the hard working youth of tomorrow to keep me and my husband off the streets. It just wouldn't be fair.

It's Friday and I'm Tired

So Alberto Gonzales infamous for his Abu Ghraib torture memos is going to be Attorney General. He's a walking word game.

And ...

I hope all those people who whined about every phone call and door knock they got in the last month of the campaign are enjoying the return to the status quo when nobody cares what they think about anything.

Around Blogistan

Whatever you do, don't miss this outstanding diary at dKos. It's not full of new thoughts on terrorism, but it sets out the argument against BushCo's brand of fighting radical Islam perfectly. It's set up in a question/answer format. The answer to Question 9, What will bin Laden do next? is eye-opening and very scary.

Also don't miss at least the first few pages of the Kevin F. Sherry Sweater Project. This is what the internets were made for. Link via Sisyphus Shrugged.

Adam Nagourney is taking the high road and will not follow in Bill O'Reilly's footsteps by getting all up in AdNags' bloggy face. According to Editor & Publisher, which has scary copyright rules, Nagourney the Noble says that it would not be right to close down an avenue of expression even if it is twisted and weird. No word on whether Daniel Okrent will be taking up the fight against weirdness on Adam's behalf, as he is wont to do.

Two Myths that Bug Me

The Hippocratic Oath doesn't say "First do no harm." And the first provision of the Constitution isn't to provide for the common defense. It's to form a more perfect Union.

I'm just saying is all.

The Mashantucket Pequot Nation Knows How to Defend Their Homeland

I spent the day with my mother, my kids and my nephew at the Mashantucket Museum and Research Center way up in Connecticut by the Foxwoods Casino. It is without a doubt the best Native American museum I've ever seen and one of the best cultural research centers I've ever been in. Fun for the kids too. The mannequins are so life-like they're spooky. I've never seen anything like that.

But not only does the staff have their museum act together, they also know their homeland security measures. So - if you ever visit the museum with a stroller, be sure not to leave it unattended at the top of the escalator, like I did, while you go to the lower levels with the kids, like I did. You may have to send your travelling companion to hunt for it (because your digital camera is in it) only to have her find it in the middle of an empty exhibit hall with a security guard standing watch. Apparently the deserted stroller, with the bag in the seat, triggered a whole code something-or-other and the hall had to be cleared. Very embarassing mistake for us, impressively successful drill for the museum staff.

Memos to Ourselves

Are audioblogs a big thing now? I missed it if they are. Mithras at Fables of the Reconstruction has found Memos to Ourselves, which is a public audioblog. It's like a very slow-moving public access radio station where the participants don't listen to each other. Somebody is begging back their boy/girlfriend. Somebody is wondering about why the site isn't more well-known and is glad that someone else is paying to maintain it. The rest I heard I've already forgotten.

I call into a local NPR radio show to get my fix for hearing my own voice so I don't think I'll be calling in to Memos anytime soon. But it's an interesting idea to check in on. Look for it to appear on This American Life in no time. With some cool background music, the begging lover would sound really cool.

All Star Game

Two long flies off of the horrible Roger Clemens. So is Piazza giving the batters the pitch? I really don't think so and I'm still rooting for the NL, but I really want to see Clemens get rocked. And I'm getting my wish. That'll teach him to shake off Piazza.

UPDATE: George 41 is in the crowd.

UPDATE: Damn, someone should let Clemens know it isn't batting practice. Now he's going to have to play long enough to hit all these guys in the head. It'll take years. God is a Mets fan.

Sun, Sand and more Sun

I'm going to the beach for the weekend. Family command performance. It would be great except that I'm heliophobic. So if you're on LBI on the Jersey Shore and you see a woman in a burka carrying a parsol chasing a two-year old and telling her big kids to put on their hats, stop and say hi!

UPDATE: 7.13.04: I'm back :)